2022年6月30日，Emily Chia
Are you wondering why a child throws a tantrum? Do tantrums commonly happen in children or only certain children will have them? What should you do when a child has a tantrum? Can I reduce or avoid the tantrum? You will get all your answers from this article.
你想知道孩子为什么会发脾气吗？
发脾气是否时常发生在所有孩子身上？还是只有一部分孩子才会发脾气？
孩子发脾气时你/妳应该怎么办？要如何避免或减少孩子发脾气？
你将会在本文中得到所有理想的答案。
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What is a Temper Tantrum?
Like an adult has emotion, a child also needs to express their emotion such as anger through crying. Why does this happen? It is because they haven’t mastered their language thoroughly. Therefore, the only way to express their feelings is through crying, yelling, kicking, and breath-holding spells.
To define a temper tantrum is when a child has an uncontrolled outburst of anger and frustration. Your child may act out, be disruptive, and generally display unpleasant behaviors. Usually, they’re acting like this because they want something they can’t express with words. For example, you might want your child to stop playing and this may lead to yelling and hitting.
Do I Need to Worry About Kids' Tantrums?
Tantrums are one of the development processes of a child. They’re equally common in boys and girls and usually between the ages of 1 to 3. They happen because a child learns to become more independent. When they grow up older or a child starts school, so they can express their needs verbally and will decrease their tantrums.
If the duration of tantrums is between 2-15 minutes means normal for development in children. But if the tantrums last longer than 15 minutes may be a sign of a problem in your child. Suggest referring to your healthcare provider.
What Causes Kids’ Temper Tantrums?
There are some causes of temper tantrums from kids:-
-Hunger
-Frustration
-Avoiding doing something(such as stop playing)
-Wanting something(such as a treat or toy)
-Tiredness
-Wanting attention
Actually, kids want independence and control over their environment. But there is always a big cause of toddler temper tantrums is the conflict they feel. They want to become independent but still want their parents' attention. So, in this case, the confusion in the child is that they lack the verbal skills to explain how they feel, and finally, they lash out instead.
How Do You Handle Your Kids When Throw A Tantrum
Prevention is better than cure!
If possible try to prevent tantrums from happening. Here are some ideas that may help:-
Find a distraction:
Try to distract your child by pointing out something interesting. For example, if you see your child climbing on a table try to offer to go outside for a walk to change the environment or you can use technology such as a learning platform that has video and games to attract your child’s attention. So, by doing this you are actually avoiding your child to start a tantrum.
Rewarding:
Motivation is the most valuable way to encourage positive behaviors. Use reward for your little one with praise and look for positive behavior. Try to be specific when you reinforce your child’s positive behaviors. Instead of "you were so good”, say “you did a great job to help clean up the toys”. This helps your child feel proud of what they can do. Then you can start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.
Stay calm:
Try to stay calm when your child is mid-tantrum. Do not lose your temper or scold your child. You will make the tantrum worse by doing this. Let your child know you understand their frustrations. You can offer to help make them feel much better because they felt the care from you. Later, when your child is quiet and calm only you get to lecture or talk about their earlier behavior. Give them the words they need to express themselves: “I see just now you were angry, you were crying and your face is red.” By doing this you are able to increase their vocabulary to express their feelings verbally.
Consider the request from your child:
Try to be considerate of the request from your child rather than directly saying no. You can turn the request into a treat or a reward for good behavior. For example, you will get your sweet if you complete your lunch. However, if your child's tantrum is unacceptable, just ignore the tantrum because this shows your child that he/she won’t get what they want even if they are in a tantrum. This also prevents your child from repeating the tantrum again every time he/she wants something or gets your attention. You also do not need to explain why and just move on to another activity with your child.
Keep them save:
Ensure no harmful objects are near them. If your child is in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum, quickly move to a quiet and safe place to calm down. Especially when it happens in public places. You have to immediately leave the place even if you have not completed your meal or bought your groceries at that time. Take this opportunity to teach your kids time-out by bringing them back home immediately then place your kids on a designed chair or in the corner for just a few minutes.
Do not change your mind:
Be consistent so it would not give a mindset for your children to learn that tantrums help them get what they want. Always follow your practice for a time-out if your child has a tantrum and this could make your kids slowly get to know how to control their emotions.
Remember do not reward your child’s tantrum by giving in because this will only prove to your child that the tantrum was effective.
Do not scold or hit back:
Children learn from adults or parents. They are watching their behavior from you and directly you are a model for them. So, model healthy strategies as possible even when you are upset. Otherwise, you might cause negative behavior from what your child learned from you.
How to Prevent a Temper Tantrum?
You can’t control the child’s tantrums because it is part of their development and tantrums are the way of their communication. However, you can take steps to reduce the frequency of happening tantrums:
Make sure the basic needs are good enough to provide for your child like getting enough sleep. If your child gets too little sleep can become hyper and will have extreme behavior. Besides, ensure your child eats a balanced diet to gain proper nutrition.
Give at least 2 choices for your kids so he/she will have a feeling of being in control of the things that you offer.
Prepare for transitions: Train your child to have the routine of transition like leaving the house or from one activity swift to another one. For example, you can use a song to let your child(make sure every time the same song for one command) has a sign of time to tidy up or get ready to change to the next station. So, he/she will have preparation for ending the play or activity.
Reflection: Storytelling to your child from videos that consist of moral values and reflect the behavior of the story. Your child will learn how to handle emotion or gain experience from watching and hearing the story that you share. You can try on the story from Vschool Trend HERE to get some ideas on the story.
Conclusion
Temper tantrums can be frustrating for any parent. However, you have to remember as human beings it is normal to have tantrums which we as adults are able to express verbally. But children only can have tantrums through crying, yelling, and maybe kicking. Try to look at tantrums as opportunities for education, not as disasters that will make you feel comfortable.
You need to seek a doctor if your child’s tantrum causes a lot of bad feelings between you and your child or you and your partner; the tantrum happens more often, is more intense, or lasts longer; and your child often self-harms or hurts others.
Last but not least, tantrums usually don’t cause concern and generally stop on their own. As they grow up and mature, they gain self-control. When they have self-control means that they learn to cope with their frustration and will have fewer tantrums.
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什么是脾气暴躁？
就像成年人有情绪一样，小孩子也需要通过哭闹来表达愤怒/委屈等情绪。为什么会这样？
那是因为他们还没完全掌握人类的语言。因此唯一能表达他们的感受的方法就是通过哭闹，踢腿，大喊甚至是屏气！
发脾气的定义是孩子无法控制地爆发愤怒和沮丧。你的孩子可能会采取具有破坏性的行动，
并且通常会表现出非常不满的行为。他们之所以会有这些反应都是因为他们想要那些无法
用言语表达的东西。例如：你想要中止孩子继续他们喜欢的玩耍时间，这就可能会导致他们 不满意地大喊大叫，甚至动手打人。
我需要担心孩子的发脾气吗？
发脾气是孩子的成长过程之一。它们不管在男孩还是女孩中都很常见，而这些通常都发生在1岁到3岁之间。这些发脾气现象的发生代表着孩子们都在慢慢学会变得更加独立。当他们逐渐长大或孩子开始上学后，他们已经 可以用口诉的方式提出要求并愿意减少发脾气。
如果孩子发脾气的持续时间在2-15分钟之间，这对孩子的发育是正常的。但是，如果 孩子发脾气的持续时间超过15分钟时，那就很可能是孩子身上出现问题的迹象。这里 都建议您去咨询医疗保健提供者。
孩子脾气暴躁的原因是什么？
孩子发脾气的主要原因有几个：
-饥饿
-挫折
-被阻止进行某些事（例如玩耍被阻止）
-想要某些东西（例如玩具或零食）
-疲倦
-想要获得关注
其实孩子们只是很单纯地想要学会独立并适应他们周围的环境。但是总有 一个很大的因素会让他们发脾气，那就是他们感受到的冲突。他们想要学会独立
的同时仍然想要获得父母的关注。所以，导致孩子们困惑的主要原因就是他们缺乏 语言能力来解释他们当时的感受，从而选择发脾气来宣泄自己的情绪。
孩子们发脾气时，怎么做才是最好的解决方案？
防患于未然！
如果有能力办到，试着预防孩子们发脾气的发生。这里有几个方法或许能够帮到您：
分散注意力：
试着指出一些有趣的事情来分散孩子的注意力。例如：当你看到孩子在坐上攀爬时， 请尝试提议孩子到户外活动以转换环境，或者你可以使用包含视频/游戏的学习平台 之类等技术来吸引孩子们的注意力。所以，这么做实际上就是在避免孩子发脾气了。
奖励：
动机是鼓励积极行为的最有价值的方式。用赞美来奖励您的孩子，并指导更多正面的 态度。请在奖励/赞美孩子时表现得更具体化。不要说“你太好了”而是说“你帮忙清理玩具，做的真好”。这有助于您的孩子为自己的能力感到自豪。之后，您可以从简单的事情开始，慢慢引导孩子进行更具挑战性的任务。
保持冷静：
當您的孩子發脾氣時，請保持冷靜。不要發脾氣或責罵您的孩子。這樣做會讓孩子的脾氣變得更糟。讓您的孩子知道您理解他們的挫敗感。您可以提供幫助，讓他們感覺好多了，因為他們会因此感受到您的關心。後來，當您的孩子安靜和平靜時，只有您才能改正或談論他們之前的行為。給他們表達自己需要的話，比如：“我看到你剛才生氣了，你哭了，你的臉紅了。”通過這樣做，您可以增加他們的詞彙量，以口頭表達他們的感受。
考虑您孩子的需求
尽量考虑孩子们的需求，而不是直接拒绝。您可以将请求变成娘好行为的奖励/款待。 比如： ”如果你好好吃完午餐，你就会得到你要的甜食”。但是如果您孩子发脾气的 理由是不可接受的，请您狠下心无视他们的发脾气。并借此向孩子们表明无论他们如何发脾气也无法得到他们想要的。这也能够防止孩子们在下次想要某种东西或引起您的 注意时再次发脾气。您对此无需作出任何解释，只需要和孩子进行另一项活动。
确保孩子的安全：
確保孩子们的附近沒有有害物體。如果您的孩子在發脾氣時有傷害自己或他人的危險，請迅速轉移到一個安靜又安全的地方让他冷靜下來。特別是當它發生在公共場所時。即使您當時還沒有完成用餐或購買雜貨，您也必須立即带着孩子離開那个地方。藉此機會带上您的孩子回家，然後將他們放在設計好的椅子上或角落裡幾分鐘。
不要临时改变主意：
要坚持自己的教育理念，這樣你的孩子就不會認為發脾氣可以幫助他們得到他們想要的東西。 如果您的孩子發脾氣时，請務必按照您的練習执行，這可以讓您的孩子慢慢了解如何控制自己的情緒。 請記住，不要通過屈服/妥协來认同/放任孩子的發脾氣，因為這只會向您的孩子證明發脾氣是有效的。
不要责骂/反驳：
孩子一直都向成人或父母學習着。他們会一直從你身上学习并影响他們的行為，而你将会是他們的榜樣。因此，即使您不高興，也要盡可能地制定健康的策略。否則，您可能會因孩子從您那裡學到的東西而導致負面行為。
如何防止孩子发脾气？
您無法控制孩子發脾氣，因為這是他們發展的一部分，而發脾氣就是他們的交流方式。 但是，您可以一些採取措施減少發脾氣的頻率：
確保基本需求足，為您的孩子提供充足的睡眠。
如果您的孩子睡眠太少，可能會變得敏感，並且會出現極端行為。
此外，务必確保您的孩子飲食均衡，以獲得適當的營養。
給你的孩子至少 2 個選擇，這樣他/她就會有一種掌控着你提供的一切东西的感覺
為過渡做準備：訓練您的孩子進行常規的過渡，例如離開家或從一項活動迅速轉移到另一項活動。又或者你可以用一首歌（確保每次使用同一首歌執行一個命令）讓你的孩子有時間整理或準備換到下一站。因此，他/她將為結束遊戲或活動做好準備。
反思：從包含道德價值觀的視頻中向您的孩子講故事並反映故事的行為。您的孩子將從觀看和聆聽您分享的故事學習如何處理情緒。
您可以在此处嘗試 Vschool Trend 的故事，以獲取有關故事的一些想法。
总结：
發脾氣會讓任何父母感到沮喪。但是，您必須記住，作為人類，發脾氣是正常的。我們作為成年人能夠口頭表達情绪。但對於孩子們來說，他們只能通過哭鬧、大喊大叫甚至踢腿來發脾氣。試著把發脾氣看作是教育的機會，而不是讓你感到头痛的災難。
如果孩子的發脾氣在您和您的孩子或您和您的伴侶之間造成很多不好的感覺，那么您需要带孩子去看医生了：發脾氣更頻繁、更激烈或持續時間更長；会导致您的孩子經常自殘或傷害他人，
最後但同樣重要的是，發脾氣通常不會引起關注，并且还會自行停止。隨著他們的成長和成熟，他們将獲得自我控制的能力。當他們有自製力時，就意味著他們學會了應對挫折，並且学會更少發脾氣。
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